HELLO ♥
This is your daily diet of me :)
This is my secretive space and most of my feelings are contained here.
It is where I post pretty photos, quotes that mean something to me,
random tidbits of my days,
my strange thoughts, my evil plans,
songs that i sing along to, my attempt of covers(not really), my feelings,
everything.
All our secrets,
They are tailored troubles,
Draped loose now around your hips,
Your spotless instincts are valid,
We Co-Exist,
We've got twenty-six days to work with,
We'll see what all gets done,
I'm an addict for traumatics;
I confuse the two for Love
♥
KEL ♥
♥Kel:)
2nd December
I run around too much, and never get enough sleep.
I love music, rainy days, my dog, old record stores, clouds, anything literature, my polaroid/toy cameras, dark chocolates/tofu, my collection of miniature mini coopers, airports, libraries, quiet cafes.
I'm a mass comm student.
I cannot read maps
I listen to Etta James and digs The Postal Service currently
I love to bake and take random photos.
Normally not at the same time.
I love bagels and pancakes
I also have dyscalculia which means my ability to solve mathematical problems is quite screwed up. In other words, I was born with a missing math gene.
And I'm a softie for chick flicks
BLOG
11:29 PM
I need to release some pent up anger or I might go crazy.
I've dealt with other minor crimes in the past, but never anything that so violated my personal space and psyche!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The items stolen included my laptop, my yak pak laptop case, thumbdrive, ipod usb cable, and my BRAND NEW USB MODEM. My life was encapsulated in that 13 inch screen laptop. I've been in school for quite a while now and all my work/assignments was suddenly gone -- every paper, every report, every shred of anything related to my research and studies. The loss of my school-related stuff was huge, but a lot of my personal life was also archived on that laptop:( I had all my photos, calendars, photos, songs, videos and contact lists on that computer as well as a bunch of more quirky and obsessive things that helped me feel like I had a life and an existence (a record of every menstrual cycle for the last one year, every love letter I'd ever written, an outline for a cheesy romance novel, an ongoing list of essay ideas I could use when I was finally done with school and hell, my passwords).
I felt like a huge part of me was taken away. I'm seriously f depressed now, the feeling of having data loss is terrible and heart breaking. I've tried different approaches in dealing with this. I tried to constantly remind myself that my loss was minuscule compared to what victims of the jakarta earthquake or war, or genocide, or natural disaster face every day. I tried to be zen about it by considering the meaning of my attachment to material possessions. My new age tactic now was trying to convince myself that fresh, new beginnings can be wonderful things and sometimes you have to wipe the slate clean (literally) in order to see different paths. But nothing has really worked.
At best this f experience has been a huge inconvenience for someone like me, as am trying to finish a dissertation and my other assignments and at worst it's really shaken up my sense of being in this way that part of me finds profound and another part of me finds trivial and petty. While I've been able to recover most of what I need to continue on with my dissertation, the reality is that there's a huge volume of things I'll never get back and I still feel like a chunk of me is gone forever. My friends and colleagues have been sympathetic, but no one I know has had anything like this happen to them. I get the sense that they don't truly understand what I'm dealing with mentally and emotionally..
I want this loss to stop hanging over me like a dark cloud. I have learnt that it wasn't such a good idea to centralize my life on something so portable. Now I won't be able periodically to look through my work anymore and remind myself that I did accomplish something during my school existence that has had a few highs and an awful lot of lows. I know all these things. What I don't know is how to let go and move on. How to stop feeling like a part of me is gone rather than just a lot of files and documents??!!!! How can I re-conceptualize this experience in a way that allows me to fill in what has become, (without sounding too melodramatic) a gaping hole in my being?
Sigh.
You have made me cried so hard, I hope you will have fun with my laptop you $%#?#$%$%$&!!! (You wore a green spag top with a shawl and I see your mane is short) *ROAR*
